Samstag, 26. Mai 2012

Frauentausch mit Ekelfaktor ...

26.05.2012

Es gibt eine neue Berufskrankheit, die wahrscheinlich in der nahen Zukunft auch von den Autofahrerkrankenkassen anerkannt wird ... Die Taxifahrermanie ... oder hatten Sie noch niemals das Vergnügen in solch einem zu sitzen oder dieses hinter sich fahren zu haben?

Ein Fakt ist auf jeden Fall der, dass je länger der Fahrer des gelben oder weissen Fuhrunternehmens hinter dem Steuer sitzt, desto schwerer wird sein rechter Fuss ... sozusagen so schwer wie Blei. Das wiederum hat dann zur Folge, dass der rechte Fuss latent auf dem Gaspedal beheimatet ist und wenn mich nicht alles täuscht, dann scheinen bei den Taxiunternehmungen wohl nur die Fahrer die besten Einstiegschancen zu haben, die nur über das rechte Bein verfügen?

Oder wie erklären Sie sich sonst, dass es ausser bei den Fahrern der Kranken-, Polizei- und Feuerwehrwagen keine andere Berufsgruppe gibt, die ständig zu schnell und fern jeglicher Verkehrsregel durch die Lande knallen?

Das ist doch nicht mehr normal, dass diese einem da ständig im Kofferraum sitzen, wenn man da mal gemütlich mit 70km/h durch die Innenstadt spazieren fahren möchte. Und wehe dem man versucht diesen durch das Treten der Pedale zu entkommen ... die bleiben am Kofferraumdeckel kleben, selbst dann wenn man sich sicher auf die nächsten 20 Punkte in Flensburg zu bewegt. Also, was ist das nur für ein Phänomen, dass den Taxifahrer zu dem notorischen Bedrängen seines Vordermannes zwingt?

Gehen wir doch wie Gevater Freud an die Sache, der da alles Übel in dieser Welt mit dem zu stark ausgeprägten ES erklärt. Das kennen Sie nicht, sagen Sie jetzt?

Doch, dass kennen Sie und zwar entweder am frühen Morgen, wenn da der Darm in Schwung kommt oder am späten Abend, wenn exakt die andere Seite der unteren Regionen unmotiviert in Schwung kommt. Der Trieb bzw. der böse Trieb und bei allen Menschen ... ausser eben bei den Taxifahrern ... gibt es dieses ES wohl mehr, als bei der Mutter Theresa und über ein Über-Ich oder nennen wir es doch die gesunde Kontrollfunktion des Gewissens, scheinen die Mannen der gelben Fraktion wohl nicht zu verfügen. Aber ich hätte da sehr wohl eine Idee, wie man diesem Geheize der Fahrdienste entgegen wirken könnte ... Riksha heisst das Zauberwort, denn was denkne Sie wie die Chauffeure nach meiner Anhängerkupplung lechzen würden, wenn da die 70km/h mit der Pedale des Kettentretens erreicht werden müsste ...


Ja, man hat ihn, den Maulwurf aus dem Vatikan ... erst habe ich gedacht das das ja mal eine tolle Leistung ist, dass man in Italien den Papst verhaftet hat aber bei dem zweiten Blick stellte sich dann heraus, dass es sich nur um einen Diener des scheinheiligen Mannes aus Rom handelt. Und was hat der da für Hügel im Vatikan gegraben und überhaupt, warum heisst denn ein Spion in der Kutte da Maulwurf?

Damit wird man den kleinen Nagern doch nun wahrlich nicht gerecht, denn diese sorgen doch immerhin im zweiten Moment für das Umgraben des Gartens. Wie gesagt, im zweiten Moment, denn in dem ersten jagen die Aktivitäten den grünen Daumen doch eher die Angst ein, dass dieser den englischen Rasen in eine Kraterlandschaft verwandelt. Also mich für meinen Teil stören diese possierlichen Tiere gar nicht, solange diese nicht mit dem Graben unter meiner Matraze beginnen. Zurück zur Sache, also im Staate Rom sitzt jetzt eine Kutte hinter Gittern, die wohl eher gegen den Vatikan gearbeitet hat, als für diesen. Na was hat er denn da verbrochen, dass er in die Ungnade seines Herrn gefallen ist ... dieser arme DIENER. Na was denn, da gehen einem doch die Nackenhaare hoch, denn wir leben doch nicht mehr im Zeitalter der Grupp-Trigemas, wo das Müsli mit den weissen Handschuhen und im Stresemann an den Frühstücks-, Mittags- und Abendtisch gereicht wird, oder?

Oh ja, ein gutes Thema dieser Grupp aus dem Land der wirk- und Kettenwaren, der da zu jeder Mahlzeit sich und seine Familie zwingt, dass verdauungsfreundliche Müsli zu sich zu nehmen. Da wird ja derzeit auch an dem Saubermann-Image gekratzt, denn aus diesem scheinbar überkorrekten und traditionsreichen Unternehmen haben jetzt die Maulwurfstricker ausgeplaudert, dass man da auch gerne mal die Shirts von den unterbezahlten Händen der Lohnarbeiter klöppeln läßt und wenn Sie mich fragen, dann ist der Grupp in diesem Fall da wohl keine grosse Ausnahme. Erst am gestrigen Tag habe ich zufällig ein Gespräch an der Brottheke verfolgen können ... der Mann vom Bau saß dort bei Kaffee und der unbelegten Semmel, denn dieser schilderte das er sage und schreibe nur 6 EUR die Stunde als Lohn bekommen würde, denn den Rest der 25 EUR des Stundenlohnes gingen zwischen Zeitarbeitsfirma und der Baufirma verloren, bei der er als Sklave gehalten würde ...

Nix da, dass ist nicht mein Wortlaut, sondern der des Mannes mit der leeren Semmel im Kaffee. Also wenn das stimmen sollte, dass man bei den Zeitarbeitsfirmen die Menschen ausbeutet bzw. diese wie moderne Sklaven in die Unternehmen schickt ... dann bitte all unsere Haushandwerker, verzichtet doch bei uns auf den Meister, den Gesellen und den Lehrling, wenn hier wieder einmal eine Schraube locker ist ... Denn der Witz an dieser Geschichte ist ja wohl der, dass ähnlich wie bei den Krankenkassen die Preise auch dann stabil bleiben, wenn mehr Einnahmen erzielt werden ...

Da fällt mir doch sogleich noch die eine Sache des gestrigen Tages ein, liebe Angela Merkel oder wer da für die Spritpreise in diesem Land verantwortlich ist. Es ist doch so das ein jedes Kind das Märchen von der spontanen Ölverknappung vor den Ferien-, Brücken- und Feiertagen kennt und auch ist es ja kein Geheimnis, dass die hohen Ölpreise nicht zwingend durch die Muftis zustande kommen, sondern weil Vater Staat da mächtig in die Zapfsäule langt. Aber jetzt erklären Sie mir doch bitte einmal wie es sein kann, dass am gestrigen Tag um genau 18:30 Uhr der Liter Super Trouper Beifrei an der Tankstelle auf der AUTOBAHN um die Gegend von Frankfurt um 10 Cent günstiger gewesen ist, als hier bei uns am Ort in der relativen Pampa?

Es ist doch so das man eigentlich davon ausgeht, dass gerade an den Tankstellen einer X-beliebigen Autobahn in dieser Nation die Preise für den Liter am höchsten sind und im Besonderen an einem Freitag vor dem langen Pfingstwochenende ... eben, viele Reisende und Pendler, die das lange Wochenende entweder an der See oder in Muttis Schoß verbringen möchten. Also liebe Länder, Städte und Gemeinden ... wie kommt da der höhere Spritpreis bei uns im Dorf zustande?

Liegt es etwa daran, dass in Hessen weniger Steuern vom Staat kassiert werden oder mischen die da einfach nur ein paar Liter der grünen Soße mit in das Bleifreie Super?

Nein, ganz im Ernst, wie kann das sein liebes Multiölkartell, dass wir zwar in einem Land leben aber das noch lange nicht heisst, dass alle Mannen auch den gleichen Preis pro Liter bezahlen müssen. Da ist doch etwas faul an der Sache und das ist doch der gleiche Schmarn wie die Geschichte mit den Renten im Osten und Westen der Republik, wo doch die ehemaligen Honnekeranhänger niemals in die westliche Kasse einbezahlt hat und trotzdem 100 Euro mehr Rente kassiert, als sein unerwünschter Kollege aus dem Westen ... Mensch, Oh weh o mir, da wäre mir doch fast der Frauentausch des vorletzten Abends auf RTL2 durch die Lappen gegangen. Zufällig aber wirklich so etwas von zufällig bin ich bei der unbeliebten Werbepause während meines Krimis bei den Rtl´ern hängen geblieben und was soll ich da noch sagen, wenn Sie diese Folge verpasst haben?

Egal, ich schildere Ihnen einmal in kurzen Zügen, was des Pudels Kern in dieser Folge gewesen ist: Der Frauentausch ist ja eigentlich nichts anderes, als die Charade unter Hausfrauen ... die eine zieht in die Familie der anderen Mutti ein ... natürlich auch im Umkehrschluss. Nur dieses Mal habe ich sogar auf den finalen Rettungsschuß meiner CSI´s verzichtet, weil ich vor lauter Spannung einfach nicht den Sender verlassen wollte. Nichts da mit dem Fremdschämen, es war die Faszination von Ekel und ... tja, welches Wort würde da wohl den Nagel an der richtigen Stelle auf den Kopf treffen ... Ekel und WUT ... jetzt habe ich es, denn wenn das was man dort zu Gesicht bekommen hat und ich sage Ihnen, dass war nicht nur eine Beleidigung für die Augen, sondern auch meine Ohren sprechen seit dieser Folge nicht mehr mit mir.

Also, die Fakten ...

Mutti 1: aus dem Westen der Republik, gepflegte Erscheinung mit einer grossen Portion Humor und wenn Sie mich fragen, dann ist das die seit Jahrzehnten verschollen geglaubte Zwillingsschwester von Frau Schreinmakers. Also eine ganz Nette, mit vernünftigen Ansichten, voll im Berufsleben stehend, mit gepflegtem arbeitendem Mann und zwei lieben Kleinen in der 3-Zimmer-Wohnung in einem XY-Mehrfamilienhaus.

MUTTI 2: aus dem Osten der Republik ... und jetzt bitte schon im Vorfeld anschnallen und liebe "Aktion Mensch", möget Ihr mir die kleinen Entgleisungen jetzt bitte nicht krumm nehmen aber die Beschreibung der kann man einfach nicht in handelsübliche Dudenworte packen. Mutti wie gesagt, eine Mischung aus Flodder, Courtney Love (Witwe von Curt Cocaine, dem Nirvana-Sänger der da die Werbung von diesem Quaselkaspar Liefers wörtlich genommen hat ... von wegen, gib mir die Kugel ...) und Amy Winehouse zu ihren schlechtesten Zeiten, als diese den engen Kontakt mit Pete Doherty pflegte.

Also, Madga mit schlechten Zähnen, fettigen Haaren und den Rest hebe ich mir für den Schluss auf ... natürlich Hartz4-Empfängerin und was wäre der gute Deutsche ohne das passende Gegenstück dazu ... und jetzt wie gesagt liebe Aktion Mensch ... Mann mit Zwergenwuchs, angefaulte Zähne im Mund, natürlich auch dem Hartz4 frönend mit einer Vorliebe für das Schauen des Kinderprogrammes den lieben langen Tag. Na gut, dass dieser eine Vorliebe für die Kindersendung mit den Schlümpfen hat, liegt wohl eher an der lustigen Laune der Natur. Und auch das Genuschel, welches zum Glück mit Untertiteln versehen wurde ... wohlgemerkt, es handelte sich nicht um einen Muselmann aus Mesopotamien, sondern um einen "Nachbarn" aus dem Osten. Also die körperlichen Unzulänglichkeiten lassen wir jetzt für das Erste einmal wohlwollend AUSSEN vor.

Zwergnase verbrachte also den lieben langen Tag mit der Kippe auf den angefaulten Zähnen vor der Glotze ... die Zähne, nein, das war keine Laune der Natur, sondern die logische Folge des Nichtputzens der kleinen Beisserchen und ob Sie es glauben wollen oder nicht aber in deren Zahnputzbecher standen sage und schreibe 3 unbenutzte Zahnbürsten für 5 oder 6 Personen. Jaaaa, ich erzähle Ihnen keinen vom Hottehüüü oder Hotteigittihüüüü ... 3 Zahnbürsten für die ganze Adams-Family.

Natürlich sah der Zwerg in allen Angriffen den Feind aus dem Westen, weil dieser ja auch dafür an jedem 1. des Monats sorgt, dass da die Kasse klingelt und was denken Sie was da erst in dem Kasperltheater des Ostens los gewesen ist, nach dem Tauschmutti 1 angeregt hat, den Kindern doch zum Frühstück einmal etwas an die wahrscheinlich ungespülte Gabel zu geben. Zornig wie Napoleon auf dem Feld der Kanonen ... ja, lieber Gott, jetzt beantworte mir doch in diesem Zusammenhang bitte die folgende Frage: Natürlich darf und sollte ein Staat nicht das Recht zur Zwangskastration haben aber bitte schön, kannst Du die Kanonen solcher Zwerge nicht nur mit der heissen Luft ausstatten, damit diese nicht ein Klon ala Dolly von sich produzieren können?

Nein, ich will da keine Auslese oder gar an braune Ideologien anknüpfen, sondern nur in solchen Fällen, wo da die Staatskasse unnötig belastet wird und das Volk sich zu einem kollektiven Hartz4ler-Kasperltheater entwickelt. Weiter im Text ... nuschelnder Zwergenvater mit dem IQ weit unter dem eines Toastbrotes mit dem passenden Muttchen dazu ... genau, die ungepflegte Mutti 2, die da weder Wasser noch Seife an Zähne oder den Rest des Körpers gelassen hat. Da kann man dann doch sehr wohl verstehen, dass der Gatte der Mutti 1 nicht nur die Bettwäsche, sondern das ganze Bettzeug nach dem Ende dieser Aktion hat in die Tonne geschmissen hat.

Lange Rede, noch kürzerer Sinn ... wenn das tatsächlich so ist, dass da von diesen Kadetten im Osten der Republik noch mehr von diesem Gestalten da herum sitzen und den lieben langen Tag die Schlümpfe schauen, dann spende ich hier und jetzt den 1. Quadtratmeter für den Neubau der östlichen chinesischen Mauer ...


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