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Oh ja, für den heutigen Tag habe ich mir fest vorgenommen, dass ich mit Ihnen zusammen einmal eine BILD durchforste, die mir jemand am gestrigen Tage geschenkt hat. Nix da, ich kaufe diese nicht aber wie immer im Leben war das Geschenk auch wohl nur der Ladenhütter des Vortages. Na was denn, man verschenkt doch nicht an einem Samstag die BILD von Freitag ...
Egal, ich möchte jetzt mit Ihnen rein wissenschaftlich und nüchtern dieses Blatt der Blätter betrachten. Das erste was mir dort aufgefallen ist, ist die Tatsache das die Nummer mit dem Wulff dort schon mal gar nicht auf der ersten Seite zu finden ist, sondern man wieder einmal als eines der Hauptthemen die Raucher im Visier hatte. Wissen Sie was liebe Gegner der Zigaretten und deren Konsumenten: Wir sitzen alle miteinander seit Fukushima für mindestens die nächsten hundert Jahre unter dem verstrahlten Himmel und da machen Sie sich Gedanken, wenn ich mir meine Kippen einverleibe?
Jaja, ich weiss, jeder Raucher kann diese Debatte nicht mehr hören und jetzt will ich Ihnen abschliessend mal den reinen Wein einschenken. Ob nun das Rauchen oder derzeit auch das Saufen wieder die ABMler in Berlin beschäftigt, ändert dieses nichts daran, dass da noch immer der erste Mann des Staates in seinem Amt sitzt. Und meine zwei bis drei Glimmstengel am Tag verpesten nicht annähernd derart die Luft unter diesem Himmel, wie die übel riechenden Vorgänge hinter der Maskerade des Saubermannes aus dem Schloss Bellevue. Das ist doch wohl eine gesicherte Ereknntnis und eine weitere ist doch die, dass all diese Einschnitte in mein gutes Recht auf freie Entfaltung immer mehr eine Entmündigung des Bürgers bedeuten. Derzeit hat die CSU oder von mir aus auch die CDU einen Entwurf eingereicht, wo nach auf öffentlichen Plätzen auch demnächst nicht mehr getrunken werden darf. Eine kurze Frage bitte an die Damen und Herren der Obergesundheitsaufsicht:
Wird demnächst auch das Atmen, Musizieren und die Kirmes verboten ... und vor allem, wenn dann schon über einen solchen Schwachsinn in Zeiten der Krise und der Betrügereien im Land von den oberen Köppen nach gedacht wird, dann bitte aber auch ein sofortiges Bierverbot für die Wies´n und all die schönen Burdischen Veranstaltungen der eigenen Kernsanierungscharitys. Holymoly, wer und warum hat denn da einen Staatsanwalt erschossen?
Ist das etwa dieses ehemalige Mitglied der Band Tic Tac Toe, die damals mit ihrem HIV-Virus von einem Staatsanwalt in die Öffentlichkeit genötigt wurde? Oder hat da der Franjo Pooth seine Rachegelüste ausgelebt und nun den Staatsanwalt erwischt, der für die sagenhafte Pressearbeit rund um die persönliche Pleite gesorgt hat?
Dann lese ich, dass das Bundesamt vor einem neuen Computervirus warnt ... und das tun ausgerechnet jene, die sich eine ganze Weile in meinen PC eingehackt haben?
Dann steht da klein aber fein, dass die Finanzämter immer mehr Konten von Privatpersonen überprüfen. Warum denn das, wenn diese doch ihre Kohlen dort bunkern. sagen Sie einmal, liebe Damen und Herren von den Ämtern: Macht das eigentlich wirklich Freude in den Daten von dem Nachbar Krause herum zu wühlen und diesen einer Prüfung zu unterziehen?
Weiter im Text ... Deutschland steht in der Liste der Innovation weit vorn ... an der 6. stelle nach Finnland, Schweiz, Südkorea, Dänemark und Kanada ... und dann kommt eben dieses Land der zukünftigen Entwicklungshilfe. Na was denn, es ist doch nur noch eine Frage der Zeit, bis es in diesem Land mehr Hartz4-Empfänger, als Arbeiter gibt und wissen Sie was, die sind das alles selber schuld in diesem Land. das Finnland die Spitze anführt ist mir zwar schleierhaft, weil die doch weder den Fusel noch den Tabak exportieren ... die Schweiz ist immer vorne dabei, weil diese mit dem Euroquatsch und dieser Gemeinschaftsnummer nichts an der Kuhglocke hat ... Südkorea ... na in einem Land wo auf dem Speiseplan Hund, Katze & Maus stehen und die Diktatur das Sagen hat, da kann man doch mit der Ausbeute der fleissigen Bienen so einige Blumentöpfe für die Staatskasse verdienen. Und das die dort innovativ und demzufolge schwer in Bewegung sind versteht sich in einem Land der grossen Armut und der garantierten Gesellschaft der zwei Klassen doch wohl von ganz alleine.
Dänemark ... ja was haben die denn ausser dem Knäckebrot und der Butter so in den letzten Jahren an grossen Dingen für die Welt erfunden?
Kanada ... kann er hier, kann er da ... ich muss gestehen das ich ausser Conny Reimann da nicht viel über dieses Land weiss ... ausser der Tatsache, dass die da zum Hausbau keine Litanei mit den Behörden vollziehen müssen und ich gebe zu, dass mich so ein wildes Bauen auch durch aus einmal reizen würde. Schon immer wollte ich so einen kleinen Nachbau von diesem Sonnenkönigs-Haus ala Versailles ...
Natürlich darf ja auch auf der ersten Seite nicht dieses Nacktfoto von der Else aus der Nachbarschaft fehlen ... Na mal sehen, was diese in dem 30sekündigen Interview zum Besten gegeben hat ...
Name: Frau Antje aus Kölle, Alter 29, selbstständiges Nacktmodell, in einer Beziehung, gibt als Hobbys das Lesen an und auf die Frage was diese mit 10.000 EUR machen würde, folgt die arische Freudenantwort einer guten deutschen Hausfrau ... eine neue Küche würde diese kaufen. Was sie denn so besonders machen würde ... wurde diese auch gefragt ... und wissen Sie welche sagenhafte Aussage diese getroffen hat?
Sie würde in Krisensituationen den Überblick behalten ... und das ist auch wohl der Grund, warum diese jetzt als selbstständiges Nackedei auf der ersten Seite der trivialen BILD liegt. Aber zwei Antworten habe ich da noch von der Frau Antje aus Kölle. Ihren verrücktesten Traum hat diese genannt ... sie war in ihrem Traum alleine mit lauter Schlangen ...
Ja, auch wenn Sie nicht zu der Gemeinde der Traumdeuter gehören und auch den Namen Freud mit dem Weihnachtsfest verbinden und nicht mit der Tiefenpsychiologie aber was Schlangen in einem Traum andeuten sollen, weiss doch ein jeder mit den Glocken und dem Strang zwischen den Beinen. Nix da, die Schlange steht nicht für die Apfelnummer aus dem Garten von Rolf Eden ... die steht für Sex und wenn Mann grosses Glück bei der Verteilung der Bestückung durch den da Oben hatte, dann hat dieser auch solch ein Exemplar der zukünftigen Handtasche in der Hose ...
Was Frau Antje als Schlussantwort abtörnt ... sie sagt das es ungepflegte Füsse seien. Jetzt frage ich mich aber dann doch, so nach Schlange und Fussfetisch, ob diese noch an den Zehen nuckelt oder was diese BILD-Girl uns damit sagen will. Natürlich sind für das Opfer der Armamputation die sauberen Füsse das A und O, denn schliesslich essen diese ja auch mit den Füssen und wenn die auch noch durch die Krankenkassen das grosse Glück hatten, ein Seminar bei Houdini oder dem chinesischen Staatszirkus zu absolvieren, dann putzen die sich mit den Füssen sogar den Popo ab aber das war es dann doch wohl auch.
Wer steht denn da noch unter den Gewinnern und Verlierern ... der Gewinner ... na einer aus dem Krupp-Laden, weil dieser Hunderte von Juden und Polen vor dem Tod bewahrt hat ... Ach ja, und dabei dachte ich das die grossen Unternehmen zu den Zeiten des kleinen Gasmannes aus Wien die Leute alle als Zwangsarbeiter geretten haben oder mussten Krupp keine Kohle an den jüdischen Fond bezahlen? Selbst hier am Ort mussten einige Unternehmer noch vor Jahren für die Ausbeute und die Zwangsarbeit bezahlen und ich kann Ihnen nur sagen, dass das diese aber nicht daran hindert, in der Kirche immer ganz Vorne zu sitzen ...
Der Verlierer des Freitages dem 13ten ... Na raten Sie doch einmal wer das wohl zur völligen Überraschung der Einschaltquote von 0,0001 % sein könnte?
Ja, gar nicht so schlecht geraten aber nein, der Oliver Procher und der Stefan Raab waren es nicht. Es war dieses Jay Leno-Plagiat aus der Familie Schmidt. Genau, Harald Schmidt ist der Looser der Nation aber bitte liebe BILD, dass ist dieser doch nicht erst seit Freitag oder seit seinem Tingeltangel durch die Lande ... Der bekommt die Bude einfach nicht voll, wenn dieser auf der Bühne steht und was sagen wir da alle miteinander. Genau, es droht der Umzug nach Hannover, denn dort wohnen ja scheinbar nur noch die abgelegten Mannen dieses Landes ... wenn diese nicht so eben im Dschungel-Camp oder in Berlin verweilen ...
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